at some point, we should acknowledge the fact
that we are vectors, rays, even,
but most definitely not x-y points flashing
"I am Here I am Here
I am Here!"
war cries don't seem nearly so heroic when scrambled that way.
i'm awfully mean and i don't write verses about flowers or fate,
so i'm not so sure you'd want to hear me anyway.
even my love is a straightedge
and a glib condemnation of what we call 'good.'
i'm a stagnant point because i say "this is how it is."
this contented fishbowl drifting is satisfying
only because i twist on him, i twist and i twist,
and i suck the fingers that stroke every whim of his superiors
and his idols and all the clean people.
i bit off the ten commandments.
he groaned and moses frowned.
he does all those right things:
i twist and he whimpers, he breathes my name,
he tells me there's no way i could just be this good. naturally. virginally.
i'm new at everything i do.
and yet everything has already been done.
i'm rolling and spinning on.
i'm not necessarily into rebellion,
unless one factors in the renaming,
the justification, and the denial.
there's beauty in distortion,
and i'm more fond of sincere passion and pretty logic
than lines drawn in the sand.
i'm not standing still. i'm dancing around your foci.
haunted by disdain for the spectator, i dive onto you
and i make your chest heave and i pull at hormones
and i make us be and i make us move forward.
bring on deep space,
where i can roam over you indiscreetly, without audience.
by spurning independence and driving one boy
further and further past the stone tablets, i am free.
we are flying past "you're beautiful" to "you drive me crazy"
to "jesus baby you're so sexy"
to "let me in your pants now god right now."
it's all so raw, so devoid of premeditation and embellishment,
that every shiver up my spine becomes a new art form.
i shade my eyes with my cap when the law glares.
i confirm my spirit name as "Not."
i am, in essence, a condemnation,
and what was heralded as contradiction, rebellion,
genius, complication, or eccentricity
was all along the refusal to be pinned down
on an axis between negative and positive infinity.
i am neither angel nor demon.
i am a "hell yes" and a "god no."